after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
