how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think your dad took our porno
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
