I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
