Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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