Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
