dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
is it fun? or sober?
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