As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
