Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
