I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
