just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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