I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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