I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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