On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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