escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
