you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
