my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
