I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
