In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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