Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
