ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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