when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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