why didn't you poke me back
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
