By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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