i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
