Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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