I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
