I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
