I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
