i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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