I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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