my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize