I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
