He uses pillows to masturbate.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
