hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
