I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
