The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
