The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
