Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
