What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
