If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
