Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
