Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
