garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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