I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
