You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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