So drunk its hurt
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
