I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
