I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
