I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize