So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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