last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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