I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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