On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize