Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
