I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
