Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?