im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
