According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
did you just send me my own nude
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.