you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i already hear my dad disowning me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.