I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.