omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My ass is underappreciated