You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize