we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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