3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
