my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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