the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
