Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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