Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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