im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
