I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
